I'm glad this is a nudge and I'm sure I have many more words on the subject too. I find these little missives about this moment in time really an important chronicling.
Small kids is a hard stage, beautiful, but man, so much energy! Blessings as you endure with patience. I'm learning that regret is inevitable; it's what we do with that that can be transformative.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger. Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices. Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not. Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
Thoughtfully articulated, Ashley! I've been thinking of our daily bread since Sunday at church when we recited the Lord's Prayer as a congregation. Bread is life, it is communion with our Lord and one another. I, too, am at middle age and look back and wonder if I led my children well. A lot of the fruit we see is pure grace, we are privileged with a home, financial stability, attainable education, sage spiritual mentors. And those who seem to have it all together are all recipients of this same grace. It helps lifts the load when our kids don't make the best choices. C.S. Lewis had it right to hold on to our hopes for the future loosely.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger.
Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices.
Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not.
Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger.
Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices.
Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not.
Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger. Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices. Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not. Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
Thanks for sharing this. Love how you ended it with Hope.
Somehow I got out without much of either
With you, Ashley. x
I have a whole essay on regret that you have persuaded me to finally write.
I'm glad this is a nudge and I'm sure I have many more words on the subject too. I find these little missives about this moment in time really an important chronicling.
Would read. Only 32 years old -with small kids- and there's already plenty of regret. From what I've gathered, there will be more.
Small kids is a hard stage, beautiful, but man, so much energy! Blessings as you endure with patience. I'm learning that regret is inevitable; it's what we do with that that can be transformative.
The base of it is that regret is simply control directed toward the past.
And there's got to be a lot of perfectionism or caring about reputation in there too, I think.
Oof… Indeed! I never thought of it that way but YES.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger. Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices. Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not. Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
Thoughtfully articulated, Ashley! I've been thinking of our daily bread since Sunday at church when we recited the Lord's Prayer as a congregation. Bread is life, it is communion with our Lord and one another. I, too, am at middle age and look back and wonder if I led my children well. A lot of the fruit we see is pure grace, we are privileged with a home, financial stability, attainable education, sage spiritual mentors. And those who seem to have it all together are all recipients of this same grace. It helps lifts the load when our kids don't make the best choices. C.S. Lewis had it right to hold on to our hopes for the future loosely.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger.
Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices.
Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not.
Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger.
Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices.
Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not.
Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.
I remember the days when my kids' problems were small enough that a band-aid and a kiss, or a snack and a nap would have significant impact. With kids 27 and 24, the problems are much bigger. Here is what I have learned, though: no amount of cruise-director energy can predictably produce kids turn out the way you expected. Kids from horrific backgrounds can turn from their past and create a beautiful present and future. Kids from loving, thoughtful, wholesome, and faith-filled backgrounds can also turn from their past and abandon it all. If neglectful parents can't take credit for their kids' positive choices, neither can nurturing parents take credit for their kids' negative choices. Model your own life the way you hope they will go, and hope they follow in your footsteps, but don't bother living in regret when they don't. Just pray a lot and keep being who you are called to be. They are still watching whether it seems like they are paying attention or not. Just two cents from a mom who has seen some things--and writes about some of it.